A Bewitching Workout
by PhantomHeartless5
Summary: Pit was out on his nightly jog to relax after a tough day of smashing and his job back at Skyworld. Unfortunately, his exercise is rudely interrupted by a certain Umbra Witch who challenges him to a game of tag. Read on to find out what happens. Rated T for sexual themes.


**Hello fellow fanfic authors. This is another Bayonetta x Pit story that I've had on my mind for a while. It may go up to an M rating, but I doubt it as there's no actual sex, just sexual innuendos. Anywho, please read, review, and enjoy.**

 **Author's Note: The chase scene between Pit and Bayonetta is best read while listening to _Battle for the Umbra Throne_ or _Red & Black_.**

 **Disclaimer:** ** _Bayonetta,_** ** _Kid Icarus,_** **and** ** _Super Smash Bros_** **are the properties of their respective owners.**

 _ **A Bewitching Workout**_

Pit was out doing his nightly jogging routine around Smashville. The angel had forgone his usual uniform for a simple blue muscle shirt, shorts, and running shoes. He was also listening to Jazz music on a CD player. He had quite the busy day today. It was a tag team match with him, Dark Pit, and Lady Palutena fighting against Link, Zelda, and Toon Link. It was a tough match, but the three of them managed to win, though barely. Then the three were called back to Skyworld to thwart an attack from the Underworld Army. Ugh, it was exhausting! Once they got back, Pit immediately took off for his nightly jog. It helped him relax and stay in shape. But recently, his jogging served another purpose...

...It helped take his mind off a certain newcomer.

Yes, the Smash family recently added a new member to the fold. It was a woman named Bayonetta, a member of a clan of angel hunters called the Umbra Witches. Lady Palutena, who had knowledge of every new fighter that joined the team, told Pit everything about Bayonetta. About how she, like all Umbra Witches, gain their powers through contracts with demons and how they are required to slay angels to keep their own souls from being consigned to Hell. Of course, she also told him about how the angels in her world are evil, she helped saved the world twice, and is a heroic person deep down, but nevertheless warned Pit to be careful around her as she might mistake him for one of the Angels of Paradiso.

Naturally, being an angel himself, Pit took that warning to heart. And sure enough, that warning came true. Pit and Bayonetta's first face-to-face meeting... Didn't go so well. Bayonetta mistook Pit for one of the Angels of Paradiso and attacked him. The fight was fierce. Bayonetta was powerful, more powerful than Pit anticipated. If it wasn't for Dark Pit's timely rescue, he would've most likely been killed. After an intense battle, the two angels managed to convince Bayonetta that they were not the Angels of Paradiso.

From then on, the two of them had formed a surprising and somewhat odd friendship. Unfortunately for Pit, like everyone else in his life, that hasn't stopped Bayonetta from finding every excuse she could to mess with him. Her flirtatious, sensual, and coquettish attitude creeped Pit out at times. Most of the time, he didn't know whether she wanted to screw him, shoot him, or both. During their matches, Bayonetta always had some double entrdere and sexual innuendo ready for him, throwing him off his game and sometimes costing him the match.

And the teasing wasn't just restricted to their matches. Bayonetta always would find some kind of prank to play on him. When he awoke from a nap, he'd find his face vandalized with lipstick. One day, Pit had just finished watching a horror film and was about to head to his room when who but Bayonetta jumped out of the hall with a chainsaw in hand and a hockey mask on her face. Nearly gave the poor angel a heart attack.

And just yesterday, Pit woke up to find roses scattered all on his bed. _Black_ roses, to be exact. At first, he thought it was one of Viridi's tricks, but then he found a note on his bed that asked, "Did you enjoy the gift, Little One?". He looked down the hall and saw Bayonetta standing there with that trademark smile of hers. She winked at Pit before leaving.

But right now, Pit didn't really want to think about her right now. He just wanted to focus on his exercise routine. He made it to the city's park and sat down on a bench. He pulled out a bottle of water and began drinking. Throughout his jog, he couldn't shake the cliché yet pervasive feeling that he was being watched. Call it paranoia, but when you're a soldier like he was, you're more aware of your surroundings. After taking a drink of water, Pit stood up and prepared to return to the mansion.

Right as he did, however, he was suddenly attacked by a crow. The crow had a golden crown and golden rings on its wings. It also had strange markings on its back and red eyes. Pit screamed and flailed his arms as he attempted to shoo away the crow. "Stop it! Get lost! Buzz off, you stupid bird!" Eventually, the crow flew away. "What was _that_ all about?" he asked himself. Pit shrugged and began jogging his way back to the mansion. But he didn't get halfway there when he was stopped in his tracks by an all-too familiar voice.

"Well, hello there, Little Icarus." the voice called out. "Staying in shape, are we?" Pit knew too well who this was, but on instinct, he turned to see Bayonetta standing on the wall of a nearby building using her Witch Walk. Her arms were crossed and that ever confident smile was on her face.

"Hey there, Bayonetta." Pit politely replied. "Yeah. Angel's code of conduct says we must always be ready for duty! Plus, it's kinda hard to compete in the tournament when you're overweight. What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, just enjoying the moonlight." Bayonetta replied. "It's always nice to get out of that stuffy mansion and have some quality time to yourself."

"I hear that." Pit said. "Well, it's getting late. I better head back."

"Yes, yes. We wouldn't want you to be late for your bedtime." Bayonetta replied. "But first, I have something to ask you..." She then pulled out Pit's CD player and teasingly waved it in the air. "...Is this _yours?_ " Pit's eyes widened and he quickly reached for his pocket to check and see if his CD player was there, but it wasn't. "How'd you-?!" he started to ask, but then he thought about that crow that attacked him in the park. That crow was Bayonetta using her Crow Within.

"Give that back!" Pit demanded.

"Now now. That's no way to talk to a lady." Bayonetta teased. "Mummy always told me, Gimme Gimme never gets." She then placed a hand on her chin to think. "Tell you what, how about a game instead?" she asked.

"What kind of game?" Pit asked back.

"Simple." Bayonetta said. "A game of tag. Catch me and I might give you back your toy." As soon as she finished that statement, Pit leapt at Bayonetta and attempted to grab the CD player out of her hand. Bayonetta backflipped away before Pit could grab her. "Easy there, tiger." she cooed seductively. "I know you're eager, but we haven't even got past the foreplay. Still, since you're _so_ impatient... Do try to keep up." With that, she transformed into her panther form and sped away.

Pit sped off after her, running up the side of the building. The two of them reached the rooftop and Pit pounced on Bayonetta, only for her to dodge and head for the edge of the rooftop where she leapt off and onto another building. Not wanting to lose track of her, Pit took a deep breath and ran towards the edge of the rooftop before leaping off. He narrowly managed to make it to the next building.

Bayonetta, meanwhile was already jumping to the next building. Pit took off after her, leaping from rooftop to rooftop as he attempted to keep up with her. After jumping across four buildings, Pit stopped to catch his breath. Bayonetta turned back to human form and stared at Pit with her arms folded. "Really now, we've barely begun and you're already gasping for air?" she clicked her tongue. "You'll never impress a girl with that kind of stamina."

Pit growled and charged at Bayonetta again, only for the Umbra Witch to backflip away onto the wall of a lower building. She teasingly blew a kiss at Pit. Pit snarled and leapt at Bayonetta. The witch smirked and sank through an Umbran Portal into the building. Pit yelled and attempted to slow his descent with his wings, but he was too late and he crashed into the wall, creating an inches-deep impression of his body. He fell off the building, hitting several clotheslines on the way down.

Pit frantically climbed up the side of the building and found Bayonetta waiting for him, sucking on a lollipop. "About time you made it here." she said. "It's impolite to keep a lady waiting." Her smirk then grew wider. "Nice bra, by the way." She said. "Never knew you were into crossdressing." Pit looked down and blushed profusely when he found himself wearing a bra. Must've been when he hit those clotheslines. He ripped the bra off and threw it onto the ground.

"Getting serious, are we?" Bayonetta smirked. "Well, come on then. Let's get serious." Pit held a small orb in his hand. It was one of the many Powers Palutena taught him to use. This one was Super Speed. After casting it on himself, he charged at Bayonetta faster than she could anticipate. Bayonetta couldn't activate Witch Time fast enough, so she instead used Bat Within, turning into a flock of bats just as Pit grabbed her, causing him to nearly fall off the building.

As he teetered on the edge of the building, Bayonetta reassembled herself and thrusted her rear out, causing him to fall off the building and into a dumpster below him. "Really now." Bayonetta called out. "This can't be _all_ you've got? You're _boring_ me." At that instant, Pit used the Sky Jump power and launched himself out of the dumpster. " _Give me back my CD Player!_ " he roared. Bayonetta smirked and jumped to the next rooftop. Pit leapt after her and the chase began anew.

"That's the spirit!" she said. "Keep this interesting!" Pit chased her from rooftop to rooftop as he desperately tried to keep up with her. Bayonetta jumped to a lower building and Pit jumped after her, but Bayonetta drew another Umbran Portal on the ground and flipped away, causing Pit to fall through the portal and through the sheer bad luck, he ended up landing in a bathtub. Even worse, there was a woman already in it.

"Ahhhh! A peeping tom!" she shrieked. The woman grabbed a can of mace and sprayed Pit with it. Pit screamed and stumbled out of the room as the chemicals burned his eyes. This was getting ridiculous. He had to put an end to this stupid game of hers. That's when he got an idea. He cast an Invisibility power on himself and climbed out the window and up the side of the building to the rooftop.

Meanwhile, Bayonetta was on the roof awaiting Pit. She stared at her Umbran Watch. "Now where did my new friend go?" she asked. "I guess he gave up and ran to Mummy. Oh bother. And here I thought he'd treat a girl to a good time. Oh well, guess I'll just-Oof!" Bayonetta was pushed to the ground by an invisible force pinning her arms to the ground. The invisibility power wore off, revealing Pit towering over her.

"Tag, you're it." he said. "Now Give. Me. My. CD. Player." Bayonetta stared for a moment, then broke out into giggles. "My, you are _quite_ the little pervert!" she exclaimed. "Guess I can't blame you, though. After all, this is most likely the best chance of any action you'll get outside of maybe lubricant, a magazine, and your dirty imagination." That caused Pit to raise an eyebrow in response. He went quiet and just stared at Bayonetta, unaware that she was stealthily sliding a knee under him.

"But as erotic as this is..." A shrill scream ripped from Pit's throat as he felt Bayonetta slam her knee right into his groin. His vision turned white and his eyes went wide as plates as tears leaked out of them. He fell off Bayonetta and onto his side, clutching his groin in complete agony. He had never been struck there before and it hurt like hell. Bayonetta got to her feet and stood over the angel, crossing her arms as she watched him writhe in pain.

"...I like to be on top." she said, pulling out Pit's CD player. "Now then, since it's clear you can't keep your hands to yourself, I'll just have to confiscate this. But I'm generous. You beat me in a match tomorrow and you might get this back. And you might want to wear something to guard between your legs. Hope you put up a better fight than this, Little Icarus."

Pit struggled to say something, but the pain made it hard to form words. Bayonetta leaned down to hear what he was saying. "What was that?" she asked. "I just shattered the family jewels, so it kinda kills the oratory."

"My name... Is Pit." he said, albeit his voice was strangled.

"Well, Little Icarus," she said, deliberately using her pet name for him. "Like I always said, you'll earn your name when you become a man. Toodles." With that, she walked through a portal to Purgatorio and left Pit alone. The angel managed to slowly crawl to the edge of the rooftop and just hung there.

"At what point in life did the universe decide to make me its punching bag?" he asked. Unfortunately for Pit, he leaned too far over the edge and fell off the rooftop, landing in another dumpster below him.

"I hate my life sometimes." he said.

 _ **The End**_

* * *

 **This may get a sequel later. Well, so ends my tale. Till next time!**


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